Jessy

So today sucked. Big time...

nobody@vox.com(So Jessy) — Tue, 27 Mar 2007 23:02:04 -0700

So today sucked. Big time.

I didn't even last the first five minutes after I woke up without complaining. lol. I really need to work on that.

I really don't like my lab partner in Chemistry, he's an asshole. I also do not like my Chemistry lab teacher, as she makes up dumb rules with stupid consequences. I despise Chemistry to begin with, and then all the lovely events that occured today only strengthened my opinion of it. Chemistry must die. mwahahahaha.

Other then that, I went and saw another movie today. Reign On Me was a really... touching (?) movie. I'm not sure what word to use to describe it, but it was good and Adam Sandler did phenomenal in a serious role.

And American Idol-wise? Sanjaya seriously needs to go, and I decided that the top two should be Jordin and Blake. Melinda and LaKisha have wonderful voices, but I don't think that either of them are necessarily Idol material. I can see both of them being like really soulful, mature singers that do really well in the industry. But, they're just not an American Idol to me. To me, the epitome of an Idol is Kelly Clarkson. She is the only winner so far to actually be successful. I mean, has anyone heard of Ruben since that stupid something in 2004 song? Or what about Fantasia? I saw her music video the other day, and I almost felt like covering my ears. If I would have known she was going to sing crap, I wouldn't have voted for her. Don't get me wrong, I like hip hop/r&b stuff, just only when it's done well (although, of course you know my heart is with rock n' roll =]).

Oh, and guess what? My birthday is in 35 DAYS! This is the first birthday in a while that won't be exciting. I mean, 19? Now I just feel like I'm getting old. Haha. I suppose the exciting part could be that there will only be two more years until I'm 21. Maybe.

I feel like doing something spontaneous. I want to jump in my car and just drive to... wherever, with whoever, and just have a blast. This is like, a longing of mine (that sounds funny). But really, I can't stop thinking about it. It's like an addiction. This strapped down feeling is stealing my soul.

Okay, bed time. Ugh jsdlfkjlkj. I miss the days where I would pull all nighters and still go to school. I couldn't imagine doing that now.

Tomorrow brings: the joys of school, the giddyness of work, and then FREEDOM! I forgot to mention that we have Friday off because of - get this - Caesar Chavez Day. I mean, what the hell? We don't get President's Day off, but we get Caesar Chavez' day?? WHO IS CAESAR CHAVEZ? lol. Anyway, I don't have any classes on Thursday, so I get a four day weekend! Wooooooooooo hoooooooooooooooooo. Depressing part is I still have to work on Thursday, but I'll live.

Later losers.

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Weekend

nobody@vox.com(So Jessy) — Mon, 26 Mar 2007 22:28:35 -0700

I haven't blogged in a couple of days, but nothing much has been going on. Over the weekend I went to my dad's house. Saturday I went with dad to run errands and we snacked on junk for dinner. Then on Sunday I went to lunch and a movie with my papa. I love doing things like that just with him. We saw the move "The Bridge to Terabithia", which by the way, was a really good movie. The trailers depict the movie as a fairytale, but it's really about the ups and downs of life, friendship, and your imagination. There was even one part where I might have shed a tear.

Today, I decided that it was a good idea to skip school. Mom and I went to breakfast/lunch at Scrambl'z. Their food, is OH MY GOD, sooo gooood. I got a grilled meatloaf sandwich. AHH to die for. Lately, whenever I go out to eat, I've been trying to order food that I would normally never try. It seems like every time I've done that, I always get an awesome meal.

I've successfully put off doing my chem lab for freakin days now, so that is really what I have to (have to, have to, have to...) do right now, as it is due tomorrow!

Arrivederci!

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Tired

nobody@vox.com(So Jessy) — Tue, 20 Mar 2007 23:42:03 -0700

Gosh, I feel so tired right now. This is weird, considering that I woke up at around 1PM, and have felt fantastic all day (considering I didn't feel all that wonderful last night). Once American Idol started at 8PM, I started feeling really drowsy. It feels like I drank a whole bottle of Benadryl or something.

Speaking of American Idol, everyone was really good tonight. I was impressed! I still really think Sanjaya needs to go home. I feel really bad for him because people keep on voting him in when he's just not very good. It seems like it's torture for him every week, to see someone else go home because he knows it should be him. Oh well.

Gahh. I didn't go to my Chem Lab today because I wasn't feeling so well last night. Today we were supposed to turn in the lab from last week, but because I wasn't feeling well last night and planned on not going today, I never actually did it. Now I'm freaking out, because it's 11:30, I feel like dropping dead in my bed, and it needs to get turned in tomorrow! For every day it is late, she takes ten percent off the total grade of the lab. And I turned in last weeks lab too late to even get any points for it (you still have to turn it in regardless or you don't pass the class) so I need, need, need to turn it in tomorrow.

But then, my lazy side says, "Jessica, who cares? The lab doesn't count for a huge amount of your total chemistry grade, why not just put it off until Thursday night?"

That's horrible, but I just don't think I could concentrate enough to do all the fucking calculations and all that crap. I fucking despise math! If I had to write an essay right now, I would be able to do it, but my brain just can't handle doing something I can barely grasp even when I'm not tired.

I'm so going to have to change my major. I have to take like five more chemistry classes after this one. I can't believe I'm already struggling. It is my fault. If I put the effort in, I would be doing fine. The problem is, is that chemistry seriously bores the hell out of me. I get all the basic chemistry stuff, but oh GOD, the stuff we're doing right now is pure hell.

I finished reading that book I was talking about in one of my latest posts. I pretty much just read all day today. IT WAS SO GOOD! It's called Comeback by Mia and Claire Fontaine. It's a true story, and the mother and daughter both tell it. Very, very intrigueing book. It allows the reader to see people and life from a different point of view (at least for me). I also liked it a lot because I could identify with the daughter, Mia. Our young childhood is similar, although her's is to a more drastic degree. I also coped a lot differently, but that is why the book was so interesting. Instead of looking to drugs and the "street life" like Mia, I pulled myself into a little cocoon, always afraid of hurting my mom and others around me. Maybe that is why I have such trouble with having real friends. Hmm. Something to think about.

So I am thinking about doing this thing called Pay Per Post. It's where this company pays you to post and advertise about different products. You can make 8+ dollars per post, and you can do up to three posts per day! Normally, I would be very wary about something like that, but Jenn from jenn.nu has been doing it for the last few months and has been paid almost a thousand dollars! By doing that, and designing websites for various people, I could quit my job. PPP is really cool because I would be writing for money.

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I should really be...

nobody@vox.com(So Jessy) — Wed, 14 Mar 2007 22:31:52 -0700

I should really be doing my chemistry homework.

But I don't feel like it. At all.

After getting barely three hours of sleep last night, I can't seem to concentrate because the incessant thought of, "sleep, comfy bed, dreams, la la land" won't leave me alone.

I cannot believe I let myself get so behind on school. I mean I am actually paying to go to school, and I'm doing really bad. It's all because I don't get enough sleep at night, so I only have so much energy to use during the day. I go to school at eight, work at one, and finally get home at five- thirtyish. By the time I get home, I'm literally brain dead. All I want to do is sleep. I usually do all of the easy homework that doesn't take much concentration, and then relax till I go to bed. I always figure, I'll do the major studying tomorrow, or, I can put it off until the weekend when I'll be more alert. But then, I can't sleep at night. I just lay there like a fucking zombie. Pisses me off. So then the whole cycle repeats the next day. By the time the weekend comes, I'm so tired, that I sleep the weekend away.

Now, I'm so far behind, that I don't think that I will ever truely catch up.

I'm working (not so) diligently on my chemistry homework. I've completed 13 out of 28 problems, and I figured that I need to get 26 right to get an A. So 13 more to go... yay (or not).

I lurrve my italian class though. It's flippin awesome. Mi piace il courso di italiano ma no non mi piace la chimica. (I like my italian course, but I don't like chemistry.)

Quali e il tuo numero di telefono? (What is your telephone number?)

Mio numero di telefono e nove, nove, sei, otto, sette, sei, sette. (My telephone number is - you translate lol-)

Quanti anni hai? (How old are you?)

Ho dicotto anni. (I am 18 years old.) <-- I'm not sure if I spelled dicotto right, and I'm too lazy to look. But, basically it means 18.

Dove abitano i genitori? (Where do your parents live?)

Il mia madre abita e Modesto ma il mio padre abita e Salida. (My mom lives in Modesto but my dad lives in Salida.)

Okay, enough of that! :) Today was really embarrassing though. La professoressa called on me, and pointed to the board and asked (in italian) if this is the time right now, what time will it be in two hours? The time on the board was one thirty, and I somehow didn't get the part about two hours from now, so I hesitantly answered: one thirty??? I knew I was wrong, but I had to answer something. Come to find out, the answer was supposed to be: "Fra due ore sono le tre e mezzo." Gah.

Anyway, seriously, no more talking about italian! lol. I guess my life is pretty uneventful. I've been so bored lately, so starving for human interaction that doesn't consist of school or work. Because I'm a lame ass hermit by nature, I don't have many real "friends" to go HEY, lets go hang out at your house. It's kind of depressing, because all of high school I always thought I would make real friends, good friends in college. And I haven't. I've met a lot of new and interesting people, but they are all just acquantances (sp??? =/). Just people you say hi to when you see them in the library, or run into in the science building. I guess my "make friends" skill is extremely rusty. Which is weird, because my mom says I'm really charismatic, and that all the students at the driving school think I'm "cool". It doesn't make sense to me. I just need to try harder I guess.

I've been feeling so constrained because of the wanting to be social, but no one to hang out with thing. I want to be free, I want to PARTY and have fun. LIVE LIFE. I just don't know how. Someone hand me "Social Life for Dummies" please.

I hope I'm not as boring as I think I am.

On another note, tell me why I am a fucking science major? I just started thinking about chemistry again, and how it is now due in an hour and a half. I hate, hate, hate (x 100000000000000) chemistry. Someone shoot me, cause I have about five more chem classes to take. I want to be an english major, but the money is in science. AND I WANT THE MONEY MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I can still write and publish stuff as a scientist. Boring stuff, but you know, stuff nonetheless.

Okay, I'm really off now to do my lame ass chemistry fucking homework :D.

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